Some nonsensical programming fun

Published 2 min read
Image Credit: Unknown (if this is your work, reach out to me and I'll credit you!)

Today we've got some complete nonsense, but something I found kind of fun:

I found this blog post while investigating Markov Chain Generators, which mentions a comment left on a previous post, the content being as follows:

Programming is all about knowing when to boil the orange sponge donkey across the phillipines with an orangutang gorilla crossed with a ham sandwich to the fourth power of twelve across the nile with an awful headache from the previous night when all of alfred's naughty jalapeno peppers frog-marched the nordic elves across the loom-lined geronimo induced swamp donkey over and above the fortran fortified kilomanjaro fence past the meticulously crafted anti disgusting sponge cake scenario where all the hats doth quoteth the milk which is not unlike the super werewolf from the infinite realm of ninja-step. it's hard to define, really.hello3

Even though it may actually just be pointless spam, it resonated with me. Programming really can seem that crazy sometimes! For fun (or at least my own closest approximation to it), I decided to try and write this into pseudocode. I came up with the following snippet of JS-alike:

var bestProgrammerInTheWorld = function() {
    var a = alfred.naughtyJalapenoPeppers.frogMarch(nordicElves / loomLinedGeronimo.swampDonkey);
    var b = spongeCake({
        disgusting: false,
        meticulouslyCrafted: true
    }).scenario.kilomanjaroFence({fortification: 'fortran'});

    if (a > b && allHats.quoteth(theMilk) && !theMilk.unlike(realm({
        infinite: true,
        type: 'ninja-step'
    }).superWerewolf)) {

        return (
            (orangeSpongeDonkey.boil().cross(thePhillipines) + orangutangGorilla) / hamSandwich * 12^4
        ) / nile + theNightBefore['awfulHeadache'];


    throw "Programming is hard to define";

Did I get this right? I'd love to hear of any improvements, whether logical, design-wise or other. You can leave your suggestions on my post of this article on Facebook.

All content © Alex Shepherd 2008- unless otherwise noted